"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." - John Jakes

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

New House Pics

I just realized that I never posted any pictures of our new house. I need to take new pictures of the inside now that things are starting to get in their proper places but I can still use the old pictures of the outside since that's the same(just greener now that it's spring/almost summer lol).

Front of the house


Back of the house

Side (landlords truck not ours)

It's such a cute little place, we love it. Just 1 bedroom 1 bath and for just the two of us it's really all we need. Of course our attic is filled with stuff since we always had a second bedroom to display stuff/for books but it's not that big of a deal storing it. Oh and I know you see a chimney but there's no fireplace, previous owner must have taken it out or something.

I'll try to remember to take new inside pictures but since these pics took a few months to get posted don't count on the inside pics anytime soon lol.

*Edit: Not sure why the font color changed like that...... will try to figure it out later

Monday, May 23, 2011

Bye Bye Crabby Crabs!

I got a new fitness book the other day (one that I've been wanting to buy for a year or so now but decided to put off buying to make sure I really wanted it, I did).

In the section I'm reading it talks about surrounding yourself with people who will support you in your quest/transformation and lose the "crabs" who keep trying to pull you back down (when crabs are in a bucket they will reach up and pull back any of the other crabs that try to get out of the bucket, instead of following them to freedom).
When it comes to my getting back in shape/losing weight I don't really have any "crabs" (however when it comes to my hike I have tons of crabs, it's interesting what some people will and will not support).
But something hit me that I've never realized, in the past I was the crab to my husband. I'd be the one to tell him: it's okay to skip one workout. I honestly never noticed that I was trying to pull him back.

So to my husband: I'm sorry. I promise to try my best to never pull you back into the bucket again, and I'm grateful that you not only climb out but you always extend a "claw" back down to me to help me get out too.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Vacation over, time to get down to business

I just got back from a quick visit to see my parents in Florida. It was wonderful but way too short! Thankfully I live so much closer so it's not that difficult to go see them from time to time.

Now that I'm back home Im working on finding a job and getting back into my exercise routine. Charlie & I are starting a strict paleo challenge on June 1st so I'm enjoying all the bad stuff I can now lol.

Some of you might be thinking it's just another diet but it's really not because we plan on incorporating this into our life's from now on. After the initial 30-60 days strict we're going to introduce some things back into our diets(like milk for me) but otherwise this challenge will help to get all the junk out of our systems. Of course there are special occasions every now & then, to say I won't eat something forever is a flat out lie, but 90-95% of the time we won't be eating the junk anymore.

Excited about the new things coming my way =)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Who I Am 2

The rhino aspires to be the dazzling pristine unicorn, the kitten dreams of being the magnificent kingly lion, and the duckling hopes that one day he'll be like the beautiful elegant swan. Each dreams of a day that they'll be as perfect on the outside as they feel inside.

I too dream of the day when I can look in the mirror and see that amazing women that I know is inside of me. To look beautiful on the outside as well as inside.

I look in the mirror and wonder..... who will be the girl staring back at me?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day + New Hobby!!

Spent Mother's Day with my mom, it was wonderful spending all day with her.

I was also blessed because today she taught me a hobby that was passed down from her mother, who learned it from her mother, and so on & so forth.

Today she taught me how to make rag rugs.

I thought it was a very fitting day for it since this is a day all about mothers and this is something that brings me closer to the females in our family bloodline.

This is what mine looks like so far. Had to take it apart once to fix something but now it's coming along pretty well.

This is what it will (should lol) look like at the end, this is one my Grandma made me.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Who I Am

A friend of mine has a blog and she recently decided to write about how she really feels, the no holds bar ugly truth. And reading her blogs really inspire me because for one having the guts to be so open and raw is an amazing trait, but also because I'm seeing a different side of her that I never knew was there and it's nice to get to know the real her.

How many of us out there hide who we truly are, what we really feel. I know for myself not a single person really knows the real me, really knows what I think or how I feel. Not even my husband who in my eyes holds the moon, the sun, & the stars, or my mother who is one of my closest confidants. I have this mask so well weaved that even times I don't even know the real me.

This past year or so I've been struggling with an identity crises and realized that I really don't know who I am anymore. I try to do my best to please everyone else, do what's expected of me and in the process I've pushed myself farther and farther away from who I really am. That's one of the reasons I struggle so much with trying to figure out a major so I can go back to school and finish my B.A., I know what everyone else wants of me but I have no clue what I want anymore. And shouldn't I care about what I want, shouldn't that be a top priority? It's my life after all, I'm the one going to be doing whatever I decide for the rest of it, shouldn't I have some kind of say in what that is. But I'm so disconnected with myself that I don't even know what my heart's desire is anymore, I have no clue what would make me happiest.

I was listening to my music today while doing the dishes and the song "Numb" by Linkin Park came on and it totally spoke to me because I understand; I feel numb to who I am, who I was, who I'm meant to be. How am I supposed to grow as a person, to share with others my being when I don't even share it with myself, I don't even know it myself.

I think that's why I'm so gung-ho about hiking the Appalachian Trail, because for once it'll be all about me. I don't have to please anyone else, hit the expectations of anyone else, it's just me and the trail. I know that kind of sounds like running away from my problems, and I'm sure some people see it that way. But for me it's running towards my problems, facing them head on. Finding out who I am and what I want out of life. No one can help with that but me, and I'm lost. I need to find myself again before I think I'll ever truly be happy. Of course the trail is still many years off, got to save the money first, but just the process of planning it has already ignited a spark in me that I thought I had lost long ago.

So while I don't think I have the guts to do like my friend and bare my heart & soul to the world, I think I'll work more on removing this mask that I've had on for so long. I think it's going to be a difficult process, it's who I am now, it's just not who I was meant to be. And maybe in the process I'll discover myself again, and that spark will come back full flame.